i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize