Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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