I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
