I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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