my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
