Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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