So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
