i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
