its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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