Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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