I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
True strength comes from lack of pants
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
