where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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