matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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