I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
