I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
