Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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