my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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