you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
