How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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