went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
