break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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