so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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