I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
