I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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