dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
