The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
