so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
