come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
