she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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