I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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