actually, I'm a sock model
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
