I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
