The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
