I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
