The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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