his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
