i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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