just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
