I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
In America we eat man semen.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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