Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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