So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
