hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
