we're making bets on your personal life
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
