The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
