he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Randomize
