Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
