I wish my penis had an off switch
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
All the doctor said was why
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
