What a fucking waste of an outfit
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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