My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
