So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
