Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
