It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her