please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid