before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.