there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
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I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If I die, sorry about rent.