I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
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Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father