Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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