We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
