i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
