I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
well you can't waste a boner
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
