Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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