Porn is love you can see.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
