Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
