apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Go after that dick
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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