Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think i got beer on your cat.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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