using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
