Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
