Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
