I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
