now i know why i became what i already was.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
