Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
